I don't get it.

Why? Why do I have to be apart of a generation so obsessed with alcohol and sex that I can't even log into my Facebook account without being smacked in the face with it? I don't understand. How can you go your entire life knowing someone, and then they somehow get sucked into this life that to them is something amazing and fun, but to you it just looks like ridiculous embarrassment?
I never have, and never will understand the appeal of alcohol. It is something that has taken over the lives of too many of my friends and family members for me to even consider. Quite frankly, I can have fun without it (I'm sure much more fun that I would with it). And if you can't then I think thats pretty freaking pathetic. What does that say about you? As a person? That you can't even enjoy yourself without some kind of stimulant? People say that I say that because I've never had a good time being drunk.....those last four words...in that order, are and extreme oxy-moron for me. Have fun being drunk? Why in the good Lord's name would I EVER want to drink something into my body that will impair my judgement, make me fifteen times more clumsy than I already am, turn me into a complete idiot, and cause me to puke my guts out the next morning? Now doesn't that just sound like a big basket of fantastic! Yeahhh didn't think so.

Ok now that my alcohol rant is over, I have to rant on myself. And I have another question. Why did I not push harder to get my friends to come to church, or to keep them away from all of this insanity that is their lives now? I am to blame. And it breaks my heart to the point of tears, that I have known these people for YEARS and somehow I failed. I should have been a better example, I should have stood up for what I believed in more often, and I should have stood up and said "You know what? I'm a Christian. I am proud. And I want you to come to church with me because I love you and it absolutely breaks my heart to see you doing this to yourself." Should have, should have, should have, why didn't I ever just DO it? Because I'm a horrible friend. That's why. My friends always commended me for being the understanding one and the one they could always tell everything to. Which I was and I still am, but I can not consciously and willfully sit back and let all of you go with out telling you this:

I have known all of you for what feels like eternity, some of you since you were born, some of you since the third grade, and some of you just recently came into my life. And I love you all so much. I HATE the part of myself that let you all get away without telling you this to your faces. I don't know why I didn't try and nip all of this in the bud when I realized what was happening.I don't understand how one weekend, one night, one party can change EVERYTHING. No, I don't want to be your mothers and I am in no way trying to be. What I am trying to be,(more than I ever have been) is your loving, understanding, heartbroken friend, who can't imagine why she didn't have the guts to stand up for what she believed in and at least try to show you all how much she truly cared. I hate seeing you all like this. It kills me to see all of the wonderful, beautiful girls that I know do this to themselves. I hope that you all find your way. Please, just consider coming to church with me. There is only one thing that can fill any kind of void that you have in your life and that is a relationship with someone much more important than me, or and other stupid person in the world. God is where you will find all of your answers. I love you all please don't ever forget that.

Oh yeah...

I have a blog! Haha I guess I should write in this thing more often, but I can't just sit down and write! I need inspiration! So what should I write about today? Well it seems to be the perfect time for me to blog since it's about 1:00 a.m. Because apparently that's the only time my brain works.

So what to say? What to say? Well let's see here, first of all I just realized today how extremely terrified I am of going to college. And I'm not even going anywhere remotely frightening. I mean I'm going to MECC for goodness sakes! I don't guess I am all that terrified of the school as I am the fact that I am not a little kid anymore. THAT scares the you-know-what outta me. Which I guess this is a good feeling, being grown up and being able to make my own decisions. But then again it's completely terrifying, not having anyone to fall back on. I mean of course I'll always have my amazing support system of a family and Daniel as well but they will tell you how much I hate having to ask for help making decisions.

I like to make my mind up for myself, whether it's about how I dress, how I act, or the people I interact with. Daniel can tell you all about that last one. He usually seems to have much better judge of character for people than I do. He can tell me a million times not to hang around somebody, but I never listen, I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and make up my own mind about them. However 90% of the time he's right and I end up having to go out of my way to avoid people, whom I have brought upon myself. Maybe one day I'll listen, or maybe not.

See that's the great thing about it I can make up my own mind about how to think about the world and there's not a thing anyone can do about it. Because I'm just that hard headed and stubborn.

Anywho, that's my amazing blog post :) I figured I should do one since I hadn't in awhile. And in case you hadn't noticed, these blogs have no rhyme or reason. I just write whatever comes to mind at the time. I guess I should warn you that I have a couple of blogs that I have been working on that will be rather long. The first is just something silly that I'm trying to make hilarious. And the other is much more serious and I am just waiting for the right time to post it. So be on the lookout for those.

Well this was much less painful that I'd imagined. :)

Birthday time!!!!

Well here we are. (and by we I mean I and the little voices in my head). 18 years old.... So how does it feel folks?

Tall person voice: "well at least now when I tell people my age they won't look at me like a 50 year old woman claiming to be 25."

Little kid voice: "I don't like it! I don't like it one bit! I do however like the fact that Beauty and the Beast was part of the celebration."

Ambitious voice: "Wonderful! I can now vote and buy cigars and get started with the rest of my life!"

Sarcastic/negative voice: "yeah? Well now you can also get arrested. And that's just dandy!"

Facebook voice: "well it feels to me like a lot more people like you than you thought because about 70% of them just blew your wall up!"

Common sense voice: ".........."

Explanation voice: "yeahh common sense doesn't come out to play much. But if he were here he would say; OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT!!"

Musical voice: " WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!! HIIIIGHH SCHOOOOL MUSICALLL WHO SAYS WE HAVE TO LET IT GO?"

Chill voice: "yo Mr. Effron chill out up there. Ahh it really makes no difference to me. I'm still the same as I was yesterday just a different number now that's all."


And that ladies and gentlemen (yes I'm talking to you now) is a birthday in the life of goodgollymissmollyy. Good day :)

I'm not a skinny minnie, and I'm ok with that. :)

This line was a caption that my friend Kelsey had placed on a picture of herself, looking as confident as ever, in a bathing suit. Why can't we all be like this?

You see Kelsey and I have always had something in common in our group of friends. Firstly we are both bookworms and have the same general taste in music, secondly we have always been the ones with the boobs and the curves. All of our friends are skinny minnies and that's great because they are all beautiful just as they are. Same with Kelsey and I. We are all completely different.

Kendra is the strongest Christian and she has the most beautifully colored skin that I've ever seen, and her lupus can't compete with that.

Ciara has probably got the best body of all of my friends and the strongest sense of who she is,and her anemia can't do anything about that.

Lorin is extremely athletic and fit,and heck no she didn't let a staph infection or any other injury or problem(like moving to a whole new town) in her life get in the way of that.

Jada with her strikingly gorgeous face, is one tough little cookie and has a heart and soul like I've never seen before. Does she let any problems that she comes upon stop her? Pshh yeah right (and she knows which ones I'm talking about but I'm sure she wouldn't want them posted on my blog).

Kelsey has a mane of hair that would make Fabio cry, and she has always been one of the strongest, most confident people I know, despite losing her father at a young age.

Which only leaves me. My life is cookie cutter easy compared to these girls. And I have no right to be upset because I may be a little lets say "fluffier" than they are. Confidence is key and I cant speak for Kelsey, but I know that being around these girls in my bathing suit, is a little nerve racking for me. Of course I know they're not judging me(they usually just talk about how my boobs are taking over the world) but I know that other people around us are. Now I very rarely care what other people think about me and usually as long as they don't voice it, it's completely indifferent to me. However, when I come home from my senior pool party/picnic to see that one of my classmates has posted as their Facebook status "bikinis aren't for everyone"...yeah, that put a little ouch on my fluff. Now as to whether or not that statement was directed towards me didn't matter. It dawned on me at that point that, that's probably what everyone had been thinking all day seeing me in my bathing suit. Of course it upset me for a little while. For about a half hour I made plans in my head on how I was going to fix this. I was immediately going to order P90X the next time that infomercial rolled around. I wasn't going to eat anything that wasn't green, or drink anything that wasn't clear. And all of my bikinis were going in the trash until I was at least thirty pounds lighter.
But then I realized....wait a second... I DON'T CARE!!!! What an amazing revelation!!!! I am happy, I am healthy (enough), and since when did I care what the rest of the world had to say about me? I mean seriously folks do you really think I would act the way I act, dress the way I do and write the things I write if I was afraid what other people might think of me? Ha. I laugh at that inconceivable nonsense. As long as it does not hurt my testimony as a Christian, or put me in life threatening danger, I will most likely do, or say whatever is on my noggin.

Well after I realized how much I didn't care, I was angry. How must this make other girls feel who wore bikinis that day? Or ever for that matter? Why did people always have to make crude comments about something that frankly, didn't concern them in the least? Now whether the poster of this comment meant for it to be as hurtful and rude as it was, was irrelevant. It was, and I don't think anyone realizes how hurtful their comments are until it is brought to their attention. Whether it be on size, or race, or sex, or religion, or just someone's outfit choice, any smart remark goes deeper than you think. Now I'm not going to be so naive as to say that "after this no one will ever make a rude remark again!" but I will ask you to think twice before doing so. And if for some unfortunate reason you are on the other side of this nasty exchange, turn the other cheek, smile and say "God made me this way, and He DOESN'T make mistakes. Have a nice day :)". Then strut your sexy butt in the other direction because trust me, you do not need people like that in your life.

And just a side note, does anyone want to tell me why the Lord gives me these things at 2 o'clock in the morning?!?! I have to get up at 7 tomorrow people!! Ah I suppose I will just pray for an earlier revelation the next time around.

Something that I just now thought of.

Unfortunately I do not read my Bible as much as I should. Thankfully for the past few nights I have been reading it every night before I go to sleep. I don't really have any type of devotion or anything to go by, because while I strongly believe that if God has a message for you he can make that your devotion for the day, I just rely on,opening my Bible trusting that God will guide me. I pray right before I get started that God will guide me to the place he wants me to go, and to no avail he leads me to exactly what I need every time. Which is not surprising to me in the least.
God always seems to work in the strangest most amazing ways in my life (which He knows is the best way to grab my attention.) and He never ceases to amaze me. I have learned to never give up on God, because that would be completely stupid and utterly ridiculous. I remember in the third grade, our teacher ws getting ready to hand out report cards. Now let me be very clear, third grade was torture for me. Between being the only left handed kid class trying to write in cursive, to memorizing those impossible multiplication tables, it was pretty difficult to say the least. So needless to say I was pretty nervous that my left-handed z's and q's were not up to par or that 12x7 was not what I had told Mrs. Easterling the day before. All I knew was that whenever I needed help, I needed to pray. I sat there and waited for my manila envelope to be placed on my desk praying as hard as I could, head bowed,eyes closed. It would have looked like a lonely game of heads up 7-up to a passer by, however one of my friends recognized instantly what I was doing.
"It's not going to help you know. It's too late now."
I didn't say anything,but I didn't quit praying either. I just knew that if God wanted me to have straight A's He could somehow alter my already etched in ink and Mrs.Easterling's handwriting B to an all important A if He so desired. The moment came and the envelope was placed on my desk. I opened it up with my little 8 year old fingers and lo and behold..... I still got a B. But I didn't feel bad about it, I didn't even get in trouble for it with my parents. I knew that I had done all I could do and that God had, for some reason, wanted me to have that B. So I saw no harm in that fact in the least.
Heretofore, don't ever give up on God and don't ever underestimate the power of prayer. You may not always get exactly what you want, but you will definitely get exactly what you need. After all, Father always knows best (especially the heavenly one).

Everything that's running through my head right now.

My mind races 95% percent of the day. Not of things that I have to do, or things I should be doing. No, my mind invents musicals and plays and scenarios for most of the day. Yes I am justifiably crazy but it's the only way I know how to think. I can't help but think of life as a movie or a play just waiting for the climax to enter. I am extremely disappointed that successful points in my life aren't filled with Eye of the Tiger, that happy points in my life aren't followed by Dancin' in the Moonlight, and  points in which I feel extremely ticked off and feel the need for a slow motion walk, fail to be implicated by Bad to the Bone. I could go on for days but I'll spare you. I couldn't tell you how many times I've put my Killers playlist on my iPod on repeat and invented and re-invented a musical for it each time.
Inspiration is completely necessary in my life, without it it's impossible for me to think straight. I just finished the first season of Glee, and while it further convinced me that my theatre career will be short lived because of my lack of a singing voice, it also caused my brain to go into musical overdrive. I sincerely have to resist the urge to break into song at multiple points throughout the day. Granted if I am alone or with someone who simply does not care, I will break into random song anyway (even though my singing voice lacks much to be desired).
That is why I have to write all of my thoughts down in this blog. Because one day I might actually forget all of my inspiration, and motivation, and then what? Work at Tops & Bottoms for the rest of my life? Oh I think not. I will be successful in something I love to do. Whether that be theatre or directing or just discovering another path that entices me, I will Not sell shoes for the rest of my life. Let that be known.
Thank you for your time. I know this hasn't been a traditional first blog, but it's what I had on my mind, heretofore, it is what you receive.