I'm not a skinny minnie, and I'm ok with that. :)

This line was a caption that my friend Kelsey had placed on a picture of herself, looking as confident as ever, in a bathing suit. Why can't we all be like this?

You see Kelsey and I have always had something in common in our group of friends. Firstly we are both bookworms and have the same general taste in music, secondly we have always been the ones with the boobs and the curves. All of our friends are skinny minnies and that's great because they are all beautiful just as they are. Same with Kelsey and I. We are all completely different.

Kendra is the strongest Christian and she has the most beautifully colored skin that I've ever seen, and her lupus can't compete with that.

Ciara has probably got the best body of all of my friends and the strongest sense of who she is,and her anemia can't do anything about that.

Lorin is extremely athletic and fit,and heck no she didn't let a staph infection or any other injury or problem(like moving to a whole new town) in her life get in the way of that.

Jada with her strikingly gorgeous face, is one tough little cookie and has a heart and soul like I've never seen before. Does she let any problems that she comes upon stop her? Pshh yeah right (and she knows which ones I'm talking about but I'm sure she wouldn't want them posted on my blog).

Kelsey has a mane of hair that would make Fabio cry, and she has always been one of the strongest, most confident people I know, despite losing her father at a young age.

Which only leaves me. My life is cookie cutter easy compared to these girls. And I have no right to be upset because I may be a little lets say "fluffier" than they are. Confidence is key and I cant speak for Kelsey, but I know that being around these girls in my bathing suit, is a little nerve racking for me. Of course I know they're not judging me(they usually just talk about how my boobs are taking over the world) but I know that other people around us are. Now I very rarely care what other people think about me and usually as long as they don't voice it, it's completely indifferent to me. However, when I come home from my senior pool party/picnic to see that one of my classmates has posted as their Facebook status "bikinis aren't for everyone"...yeah, that put a little ouch on my fluff. Now as to whether or not that statement was directed towards me didn't matter. It dawned on me at that point that, that's probably what everyone had been thinking all day seeing me in my bathing suit. Of course it upset me for a little while. For about a half hour I made plans in my head on how I was going to fix this. I was immediately going to order P90X the next time that infomercial rolled around. I wasn't going to eat anything that wasn't green, or drink anything that wasn't clear. And all of my bikinis were going in the trash until I was at least thirty pounds lighter.
But then I realized....wait a second... I DON'T CARE!!!! What an amazing revelation!!!! I am happy, I am healthy (enough), and since when did I care what the rest of the world had to say about me? I mean seriously folks do you really think I would act the way I act, dress the way I do and write the things I write if I was afraid what other people might think of me? Ha. I laugh at that inconceivable nonsense. As long as it does not hurt my testimony as a Christian, or put me in life threatening danger, I will most likely do, or say whatever is on my noggin.

Well after I realized how much I didn't care, I was angry. How must this make other girls feel who wore bikinis that day? Or ever for that matter? Why did people always have to make crude comments about something that frankly, didn't concern them in the least? Now whether the poster of this comment meant for it to be as hurtful and rude as it was, was irrelevant. It was, and I don't think anyone realizes how hurtful their comments are until it is brought to their attention. Whether it be on size, or race, or sex, or religion, or just someone's outfit choice, any smart remark goes deeper than you think. Now I'm not going to be so naive as to say that "after this no one will ever make a rude remark again!" but I will ask you to think twice before doing so. And if for some unfortunate reason you are on the other side of this nasty exchange, turn the other cheek, smile and say "God made me this way, and He DOESN'T make mistakes. Have a nice day :)". Then strut your sexy butt in the other direction because trust me, you do not need people like that in your life.

And just a side note, does anyone want to tell me why the Lord gives me these things at 2 o'clock in the morning?!?! I have to get up at 7 tomorrow people!! Ah I suppose I will just pray for an earlier revelation the next time around.

Something that I just now thought of.

Unfortunately I do not read my Bible as much as I should. Thankfully for the past few nights I have been reading it every night before I go to sleep. I don't really have any type of devotion or anything to go by, because while I strongly believe that if God has a message for you he can make that your devotion for the day, I just rely on,opening my Bible trusting that God will guide me. I pray right before I get started that God will guide me to the place he wants me to go, and to no avail he leads me to exactly what I need every time. Which is not surprising to me in the least.
God always seems to work in the strangest most amazing ways in my life (which He knows is the best way to grab my attention.) and He never ceases to amaze me. I have learned to never give up on God, because that would be completely stupid and utterly ridiculous. I remember in the third grade, our teacher ws getting ready to hand out report cards. Now let me be very clear, third grade was torture for me. Between being the only left handed kid class trying to write in cursive, to memorizing those impossible multiplication tables, it was pretty difficult to say the least. So needless to say I was pretty nervous that my left-handed z's and q's were not up to par or that 12x7 was not what I had told Mrs. Easterling the day before. All I knew was that whenever I needed help, I needed to pray. I sat there and waited for my manila envelope to be placed on my desk praying as hard as I could, head bowed,eyes closed. It would have looked like a lonely game of heads up 7-up to a passer by, however one of my friends recognized instantly what I was doing.
"It's not going to help you know. It's too late now."
I didn't say anything,but I didn't quit praying either. I just knew that if God wanted me to have straight A's He could somehow alter my already etched in ink and Mrs.Easterling's handwriting B to an all important A if He so desired. The moment came and the envelope was placed on my desk. I opened it up with my little 8 year old fingers and lo and behold..... I still got a B. But I didn't feel bad about it, I didn't even get in trouble for it with my parents. I knew that I had done all I could do and that God had, for some reason, wanted me to have that B. So I saw no harm in that fact in the least.
Heretofore, don't ever give up on God and don't ever underestimate the power of prayer. You may not always get exactly what you want, but you will definitely get exactly what you need. After all, Father always knows best (especially the heavenly one).

Everything that's running through my head right now.

My mind races 95% percent of the day. Not of things that I have to do, or things I should be doing. No, my mind invents musicals and plays and scenarios for most of the day. Yes I am justifiably crazy but it's the only way I know how to think. I can't help but think of life as a movie or a play just waiting for the climax to enter. I am extremely disappointed that successful points in my life aren't filled with Eye of the Tiger, that happy points in my life aren't followed by Dancin' in the Moonlight, and  points in which I feel extremely ticked off and feel the need for a slow motion walk, fail to be implicated by Bad to the Bone. I could go on for days but I'll spare you. I couldn't tell you how many times I've put my Killers playlist on my iPod on repeat and invented and re-invented a musical for it each time.
Inspiration is completely necessary in my life, without it it's impossible for me to think straight. I just finished the first season of Glee, and while it further convinced me that my theatre career will be short lived because of my lack of a singing voice, it also caused my brain to go into musical overdrive. I sincerely have to resist the urge to break into song at multiple points throughout the day. Granted if I am alone or with someone who simply does not care, I will break into random song anyway (even though my singing voice lacks much to be desired).
That is why I have to write all of my thoughts down in this blog. Because one day I might actually forget all of my inspiration, and motivation, and then what? Work at Tops & Bottoms for the rest of my life? Oh I think not. I will be successful in something I love to do. Whether that be theatre or directing or just discovering another path that entices me, I will Not sell shoes for the rest of my life. Let that be known.
Thank you for your time. I know this hasn't been a traditional first blog, but it's what I had on my mind, heretofore, it is what you receive.