Why? Why do I have to be apart of a generation so obsessed with alcohol and sex that I can't even log into my Facebook account without being smacked in the face with it? I don't understand. How can you go your entire life knowing someone, and then they somehow get sucked into this life that to them is something amazing and fun, but to you it just looks like ridiculous embarrassment?
I never have, and never will understand the appeal of alcohol. It is something that has taken over the lives of too many of my friends and family members for me to even consider. Quite frankly, I can have fun without it (I'm sure much more fun that I would with it). And if you can't then I think thats pretty freaking pathetic. What does that say about you? As a person? That you can't even enjoy yourself without some kind of stimulant? People say that I say that because I've never had a good time being drunk.....those last four words...in that order, are and extreme oxy-moron for me. Have fun being drunk? Why in the good Lord's name would I EVER want to drink something into my body that will impair my judgement, make me fifteen times more clumsy than I already am, turn me into a complete idiot, and cause me to puke my guts out the next morning? Now doesn't that just sound like a big basket of fantastic! Yeahhh didn't think so.
Ok now that my alcohol rant is over, I have to rant on myself. And I have another question. Why did I not push harder to get my friends to come to church, or to keep them away from all of this insanity that is their lives now? I am to blame. And it breaks my heart to the point of tears, that I have known these people for YEARS and somehow I failed. I should have been a better example, I should have stood up for what I believed in more often, and I should have stood up and said "You know what? I'm a Christian. I am proud. And I want you to come to church with me because I love you and it absolutely breaks my heart to see you doing this to yourself." Should have, should have, should have, why didn't I ever just DO it? Because I'm a horrible friend. That's why. My friends always commended me for being the understanding one and the one they could always tell everything to. Which I was and I still am, but I can not consciously and willfully sit back and let all of you go with out telling you this:
I have known all of you for what feels like eternity, some of you since you were born, some of you since the third grade, and some of you just recently came into my life. And I love you all so much. I HATE the part of myself that let you all get away without telling you this to your faces. I don't know why I didn't try and nip all of this in the bud when I realized what was happening.I don't understand how one weekend, one night, one party can change EVERYTHING. No, I don't want to be your mothers and I am in no way trying to be. What I am trying to be,(more than I ever have been) is your loving, understanding, heartbroken friend, who can't imagine why she didn't have the guts to stand up for what she believed in and at least try to show you all how much she truly cared. I hate seeing you all like this. It kills me to see all of the wonderful, beautiful girls that I know do this to themselves. I hope that you all find your way. Please, just consider coming to church with me. There is only one thing that can fill any kind of void that you have in your life and that is a relationship with someone much more important than me, or and other stupid person in the world. God is where you will find all of your answers. I love you all please don't ever forget that.
